Sunday, December 16, 2007

Coming to my senses...


So I didn’t enter the half marathon I’ve been mentioning in my previous posts this morning. Oh how I wish I could’ve, but that’s just the way it goes sometimes. It’s probably a good thing that how it worked out because as I mentioned before too that I haven’t been running a whole lot lately. I probably saved myself from embarrassing myself especially after the way a five miler nearly left me in shreds on Wednesday. It felt really good for the first mile, then my lungs started burning with heavy breaths and my legs brought me to a shuffling fashion especially during the last mile. I guess that’s bound to happen after five weeks of sporadic workouts, cardiowise anyways. My pace went from 8:50 per a mile to 11:00s that day.

I just been on the go nonstop beginning mid November, doc appts, vet appts, dental appts, other interruptions(weather), volunteer work, etc, that it’s gotten a bit out of control it seems. Just when it seems like when I going to have a moment to catch my breath and organize, another thing pops up like a couple of appts that didn’t make it into my planner. Thank god for the reminder calls the day before the appts. So it was like Tuesday evening while I was rehearsing the songs for this Christmas program with Sunny D, I started thinking about the upcoming race and the Christmas program. It dawned on me that the race is Sunday morning and so was the play! And it’s my daughter’s first time participating! Not only that, but she has a major role! No way was I going to miss her performance, but still I took in a breath of prayer as I got up from my seat to double check race date in hopes that I misread it and it’s actually on Saturday the 15th. I race into my office and quickly pulled up the race website, nope, no luck, it even state “Sunday, December 16, 2007”! Like a desperate fool, next I went on to compare the start time for the race and Christmas play time. The race start is half an hour earlier than the play, wouldn’t work. After all of this, looking back I still can’t believe I still held out for the possibility that I was still going to enter and run in this event. I mentioned the schedule conflict to my husband as soon as he walked in the door after returning from an aid call with the fire dept. I was delighted to hear him say that I should go ahead with my half marathon plans because I’ve looking forward to that for awhile and he was going to take lots of pictures & record our daughter’s Christmas play. And of course like a spoil selfish person, I was relieved to have my running event restored that night before going to bed.

It was during Wednesday’s noon run, that I finally came to my senses…probably when I was really started to hurt everywhere. I couldn’t believe myself. When did I become so self absorbed that I had actually made a choice to skip my child’s first major event!? What kind of a mother does that? I mean there’s always another race around the corner, but my daughter’s first play! Once you miss out, that’s it, no do-overs. Pathetic and unbelievable!

It’s almost like an addiction, where I had this compulsive desire to run in this race even with the lack of training. I had blocked out everything else and I was going to do whatever it took and cost to get myself there to take part. Mostly, I think because how busy my home and work life has been lately, I’ve been looking forward to this event to briefly take me away from the “real world”. A time not to be on the go with a ‘to-do’ list, a ‘get list’, a ‘to do’ list, and never feeling like you’re catching up. Half of it, I bring it upon myself, stuff I volunteer for, projects I dream up for myself, etc...some of you might have an idea of what I’m talking about. Something about racing, poor or strong performance, it always revitalized me.

As my daughter entered a packed sanctuary on her way to the stage with the rest of the kids, I knew I was where I should be no question about it. And she did one of those:
“Hi mom! I’m up here on stage mom!” as she’s waving her arms and hands with excitement. And the whole congregation laughed. I was one proud momma!

18 comments:

IHateToast said...

but you didn't make that choice in the end. all you did was let yourself have a bit of both, then you made the right choice.

similar but on a minor scale, when i shop but know i can't afford or don't need item x but reeeeally want it, i just put it in my basket and continue to browse. when i'm done, i put it back. for a little while i had it, but in the end i made the right choice.

i don't think you ever would have chosen to miss it. you just needed to 'have' the other bit a while longer. don't beat yourself up. you're a wonderful mummy and sunny d thinks the world of you. no? play sick again. listen to her coach the man. you'll see.

and as for those reminder calls. I KNOW! love them.

Maria said...

Don't beat yourself up, Woman. Mother to mother, there are many times I think of all the things of which my children are deprived because of my choice to pursue my dreams -- in the end, you make time for the firsts, all those important events and find ways in which to convey your love and support of their dreams. Enjoy those, "I was a proud momma!" moments.

Sandy said...

You made the right choice and I know you'll be thankful you went to that play for the rest of your life.

Hang tough with the running. I'm trying to get back into shape, too. Maybe we could chat about our runs sometime.

BTW, you and your baby are beautiful!!
Sandy

scott keeps running said...

yes, addicting. at least you have some senses to fall back on. :) a first play beats a race anyday. well, most days. see, i don't have any senses.

Triseverance said...

There are many moments in life that we can't see the forest for the trees. I would not expect any other decison from you Bella, you are far to well grounded in my estimation. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Thomas said...

Don't be so hard on yourself, after all you DID show up at her play, and it wasn't just a last-second decision. But I agree, it was definitely the only choice.

Backofpack said...

I like what IHateToast said - she's right! I've had many of those moments - full planning for two things, going on for days, then suddenly realizing they are the same day and time. I hate when that happens! Sunny D is so cute in her fancy dress - and she looks a lot like her Mama!

robtherunner said...

Good choice, Mom! I have definitely had a few of those moments as well. I understand the desire to get away from it all with a nice run.

Sarah said...

Sorry I missed you, but you definitely made the right choice! There's always the valentine marathon/half marathon. : )

Black Knight said...

You made the right choice, when you enter a race you have to be sure about yourself and your possibilities. Nice picture, I love the Christmas atmosphere.

Journey to a Centum said...

I wish you and yours a Merry Chirstmas and a Happy New Year!

Plenty of races out there, not many plays that your child will performing in. Savor the moments, they grow up so fast!

See you at the races!

Database Diva said...

Sometimes we don't need the run as much as we need "the dream of the run". That vision of running your perfect race that carries you through the stressful times. You held onto the dream as long as you needed it, and let go at the right time.

Isn't it funny how we usually start running to bring some balance to our lives, but as the obsession grows, the balance goes! That is a lovely picture of you and your daughter. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

teacherwoman said...

Happy Holidays! :)

Sarah Elaine said...

Just stopping by to say Merry Christmas - and that I think you are a wise woman. :-)

Non-Runner Nancy said...

Hey Sweetie, don't beat yourself up. We all have our selfish times, hang ups, addictions, it is the self awareness that you showed that is what makes you a better mom and better person than most. There are so many who never do come to their senses. I'm so glad you did and got to enjoy that day.

Great Pic!!

Annette said...

It sounds like missing that race was definitely worth it. As we know, there will always be more races. Good luck slowing down and getting back into training.

Have a great New Year!

scott keeps running said...

long time...no run. :(

maria said...

Thank you for peeking in on me. And, congratulations on the growing peanut. Little peanut will come out running. :-)